HOW TO:

Be Separate, Yet Equal

Men and Women are different; they have always been and they always will be. We hear all the time about how men and women are to be equal. Well you know what? We are EQUAL, but that does not mean that we are the SAME.

Men have things that they are better at. Most are much better at keeping emotions out of decisions, providing for and protecting their families. Most women are great at making sure emotions are considered in decisions, nurturing, and keeping their families organized. I am not saying that men and women are limited to these things in any way. I am just showing that we do not have to be the same. Why can't we use our strengths to help each other?

  My Experience In This Matter

My husband is very level headed. He is very compassionate and understanding. He is great at helping people with problems. He is great with fixing cars and cooking on the grill. I on the other hand am very organized and patient. I am very blunt with my words. I love reading books to our daughter, making crafts, and cooking in the house. Not many things about us are the same, but we compliment each other perfectly.

In a marriage, husband and wife are equal. They each have equal say in decisions and they should show equal love for each other. Husband and wife are not the same. There are certain things that the man should do and the woman should do. Families have dated back to the beginning of time and they seemed to work really well up until about 40 years ago. What changed to make families fall apart? I think part of it was the search for equality.

What is right?

Bruce Hafen gave an example that shows exactly why some marriages struggle in this issue. He said, "Our young husband’s parents believe the old idea that women are fully dependent on their husbands. Our young wife’s parents believe the new idea that women are independent of their husbands. But the restored gospel teaches the eternal idea that husbands and wives are interdependent with each other. They are equal. They are partners." When you come into a marriage with different ideas of man and woman's roles, it can make marriage very difficult. 

The Man's Role

Each marriage is different and each gets to pick and choose what roles they want. As for me, I believe that men are to, "provide, preside, and protect". A man's role is to provide a home, food, and necessities for his family. He is to preside in the home as co-leader, father, and husband. It is so important for children to see their father lead them and show love and respect to their mother. He is the one that plays hard and rough with the kids and teaches them to be tough. He is also there as the protector. He is the example of what a father and husband should be. He is also the killer of spiders, and safe haven from bad dreams. He is the physical protector from harm.

The Woman's Role

As for the woman, I believe that a woman's role is to nurture her children, her husband and herself. That does not mean that all she does is give love. Of course that is one of the biggest parts of motherhood, but she also is to teach her children, make sure that her family is of good health, support her husband in his work, protect her children from emotional and physical harm. She is usually softer with her children and the kisser of scrapes and bruises. She does many of the household chores, cook dinners, helps with homework, provides rides to school and practices, and tries to find some alone time to replenish herself. She is the anchor in the home. She is the one her husband and kids can go to for encouraging words and love.

Of course there are times when this does not happen, and this may not work for every family situation. Each family needs to adapt and find the way that they can best operate.

Why different roles?

It is so great for children to see mom and dad working together. It is good for them to see that mom or dad can't do it all by themselves. It is good for them to see mom and dad support each other in whatever they do. It is good to know that we all have different strengths and weaknesses, but that husband and wife support each other in all endeavors and strengthen each other where the other falters.

MY TENNIS ANALOGY



I like to think of husband and wife like tennis doubles. Someone is up front and someone is back court. Both partners are greatly needed and equally important. They each specialize in one area and they help each other win the game. They both understand the game and know what the other has to do and that each task is difficult in one way or another. If one person is struggling, the other assists until the partner can get back to their feet. They cheer each other on and they celebrate together and they lose together; always as a team. Marriage is not a competition; if you play that game, neither of you will win. Marriage is a team sport that requires that you both put in your effort and help each other succeed.


FINAL THOUGHT

"In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together...'obligated to help one another...'" (Hawkins, 41).