HOW TO:
HONOR VOWS WITH COMPLETE FIDELITY
What does it mean to honor your vows with complete fidelity? My first thought was that you are only intimate with your spouse! If only it were that easy. Honoring your vows with complete fidelity goes beyond sex. It means to be faithful, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
The media makes us think that adultery is fun, they make it look thrilling and mystically dangerous. Most TV shows and movies have something to do with committing adultery. Maybe you didn't notice because so many times they justify the act by making the husband or wife unlikeable. Think about it next time you sit down to watch TV (The Office, Gray's Anatomy) or a movie (Sweet Home Alabama, The Great Gatsby), most likely they will have some kind of adultery, even if is made to look innocent or unintentional. But you know what? Those are movies; in reality; adultery is just plain SELFISH and it really does HURT.
First off, let's start with an Emotional Affair. We all have seen the moment on screen or in real life when a person who married begins to confide in another person besides their spouse. They then become comfortable talking and sharing experiences with this person. Slowly, and that is the key word, slowly, that person falls a little more away from their spouse. They now have someone else that is taking interest in them, someone who is loving, and cares for their well-being. Then before you know it, they develop feelings for that person, and have committed an emotional affair.
We have been taught the fairy tale. All love is magical and like Shakespearian plays. There is love, lust, desire, and personal interest in the other person 24/7 in a marriage. That is not true. We never got to see, "Romeo and Juliet dealing with household clutter, unpaid bills, and crying children"(Hawkins, 61). Marriage is not a fairy tale; it is real life; but if you stay emotionally connected and you think of the other person before yourself, you will not have to worry about an emotional affair in your marriage.
Mental adultery is when a person becomes involved with another person in their mind. It could be a fantasy, it could be with a real person online, it could be inappropriate thoughts about a celebrity or any other person. No matter the context, they are thinking of someone else in an inappropriate setting and thereby, have had an affair. This could also mean pornography. Pornography is a culprit that so many people do not see as dangerous. Pornography destroys marriages everyday and opens the doors to physical affairs.
The Bible talks about adultery in Matthew. It states, "...whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery already with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Fantasies, internet relationships and pornography are no different. If you look or talk to a woman (or man) and lust after them, you have committed adultery in your mind and in your heart.
And lastly, the physical affair. Sexual infidelity is the usually the final act in adultery. Yes, that means that most of the time, another act of adultery was committed before the person had a physical relationship with someone else. "Veon Smith, a professor, and marriage counselor, warned, 'Infidelity is a subtle process. It does not begin with adultery; it begins with thoughts and attitudes. Each step to adultery is short, and each is easily taken; but once the process starts; it is difficult to stop'" (Hawkins, 61-62).
Luckily, sexual infidelity is not as common as the media portrays. It is thought through studies that only 3-4% of married people are having an affair in any given year (Hawkins, 59). That number may be low, but it is still a number that shouldn't exist. We also do not know how many people are actively involved in other kinds of adultery in that same year.
Our spouse is the only other person besides God that we are commanded to give our whole heart to. We choose who we marry and we vow to become one and love that person forever. Bad days, bad weeks, or even bad years, do not give any person the right to go back on those vows.
HOW TO PREVENT INFIDELITY
"Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy" (Hawkins, 63).
What are the keys to staying faithful?
1. Boundaries-where do you draw the line? Be clear with yourself and with your spouse about what is and is not appropriate. Make sure that you are never alone with anyone of the opposite sex in private; always meet in public. Only discuss personal issues with your spouse; don't confide in anyone other than your spouse. Do not flirt under any conditions. Resist the desire to rescue someone or to be a shoulder to cry on for someone in an unhappy relationship.
All of these things can lead to an affair. Why risk it? Set boundaries.
2. Be FIERCELY loyal-under no circumstance sway at all from your spouse. To be loyal means to be faithful in your mind, heart, and body. Control your thoughts and words to others. Even though you may talk to a family member or friend, remember to never speak negatively to anyone of your spouse. They tend to remember the negative moments much longer than you do. (This of course is not true in cases of abuse. That is the moment to confide and turn to your family for help.) Always put your spouse first; marriage is an agreement that, "allows for no sharing, dividing, nor depriving" (Hawkins, 64).
"As we construct appropriate boundaries, are fiercely loyal, control our thoughts, and put our spouse first, it is unlikely our marriage will ever be traumatized by infidelity" (Hawkins, 65).
The media makes us think that adultery is fun, they make it look thrilling and mystically dangerous. Most TV shows and movies have something to do with committing adultery. Maybe you didn't notice because so many times they justify the act by making the husband or wife unlikeable. Think about it next time you sit down to watch TV (The Office, Gray's Anatomy) or a movie (Sweet Home Alabama, The Great Gatsby), most likely they will have some kind of adultery, even if is made to look innocent or unintentional. But you know what? Those are movies; in reality; adultery is just plain SELFISH and it really does HURT.
First off, let's start with an Emotional Affair. We all have seen the moment on screen or in real life when a person who married begins to confide in another person besides their spouse. They then become comfortable talking and sharing experiences with this person. Slowly, and that is the key word, slowly, that person falls a little more away from their spouse. They now have someone else that is taking interest in them, someone who is loving, and cares for their well-being. Then before you know it, they develop feelings for that person, and have committed an emotional affair.
We have been taught the fairy tale. All love is magical and like Shakespearian plays. There is love, lust, desire, and personal interest in the other person 24/7 in a marriage. That is not true. We never got to see, "Romeo and Juliet dealing with household clutter, unpaid bills, and crying children"(Hawkins, 61). Marriage is not a fairy tale; it is real life; but if you stay emotionally connected and you think of the other person before yourself, you will not have to worry about an emotional affair in your marriage.
Mental adultery is when a person becomes involved with another person in their mind. It could be a fantasy, it could be with a real person online, it could be inappropriate thoughts about a celebrity or any other person. No matter the context, they are thinking of someone else in an inappropriate setting and thereby, have had an affair. This could also mean pornography. Pornography is a culprit that so many people do not see as dangerous. Pornography destroys marriages everyday and opens the doors to physical affairs. The Bible talks about adultery in Matthew. It states, "...whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery already with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Fantasies, internet relationships and pornography are no different. If you look or talk to a woman (or man) and lust after them, you have committed adultery in your mind and in your heart.
And lastly, the physical affair. Sexual infidelity is the usually the final act in adultery. Yes, that means that most of the time, another act of adultery was committed before the person had a physical relationship with someone else. "Veon Smith, a professor, and marriage counselor, warned, 'Infidelity is a subtle process. It does not begin with adultery; it begins with thoughts and attitudes. Each step to adultery is short, and each is easily taken; but once the process starts; it is difficult to stop'" (Hawkins, 61-62).Luckily, sexual infidelity is not as common as the media portrays. It is thought through studies that only 3-4% of married people are having an affair in any given year (Hawkins, 59). That number may be low, but it is still a number that shouldn't exist. We also do not know how many people are actively involved in other kinds of adultery in that same year.
Our spouse is the only other person besides God that we are commanded to give our whole heart to. We choose who we marry and we vow to become one and love that person forever. Bad days, bad weeks, or even bad years, do not give any person the right to go back on those vows.
HOW TO PREVENT INFIDELITY
"Infidelity is easier to prevent than to remedy" (Hawkins, 63).
What are the keys to staying faithful?
1. Boundaries-where do you draw the line? Be clear with yourself and with your spouse about what is and is not appropriate. Make sure that you are never alone with anyone of the opposite sex in private; always meet in public. Only discuss personal issues with your spouse; don't confide in anyone other than your spouse. Do not flirt under any conditions. Resist the desire to rescue someone or to be a shoulder to cry on for someone in an unhappy relationship.
All of these things can lead to an affair. Why risk it? Set boundaries.
2. Be FIERCELY loyal-under no circumstance sway at all from your spouse. To be loyal means to be faithful in your mind, heart, and body. Control your thoughts and words to others. Even though you may talk to a family member or friend, remember to never speak negatively to anyone of your spouse. They tend to remember the negative moments much longer than you do. (This of course is not true in cases of abuse. That is the moment to confide and turn to your family for help.) Always put your spouse first; marriage is an agreement that, "allows for no sharing, dividing, nor depriving" (Hawkins, 64).
"As we construct appropriate boundaries, are fiercely loyal, control our thoughts, and put our spouse first, it is unlikely our marriage will ever be traumatized by infidelity" (Hawkins, 65).
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