HOW TO:
PARENT WITH LOVE, LIMITS, AND LATITUDE
Before I begin this section, I want to start with a quote from James E. Faust, "Child rearing is so individualistic. Every child is different and unique. What works with one may not work with another" (Hawkins, 104).
Love
"Children are less likely to push limits and seek attention through misbehavior when they feel that they are a high priority in their parents' lives" (Hawkins, 108).
In order to teach our children, we have to love them. Our children need to know that we love them. We have to be a real friend to our kids; take time to laugh, play, listen, and hug them. They have to know that we respect them and want the best for them. Another part of showing love is spending time with them. M. Russell Ballard said, "Mothers [and fathers] must not fall into the trap of believing that 'quality' time can replace 'quantity' time. Quality is a direct function of quantity-" (Hawkins, 109).
In order to love, respect, and appreciate our kids we have to spend time with them.
In order to teach our children, we have to love them. Our children need to know that we love them. We have to be a real friend to our kids; take time to laugh, play, listen, and hug them. They have to know that we respect them and want the best for them. Another part of showing love is spending time with them. M. Russell Ballard said, "Mothers [and fathers] must not fall into the trap of believing that 'quality' time can replace 'quantity' time. Quality is a direct function of quantity-" (Hawkins, 109).
In order to love, respect, and appreciate our kids we have to spend time with them.
Limits
In order to properly parent, limits have to be set for our children. "In order to make the home a place of security, parents build a safety net of appropriate limits for their children, generously communicate their approval of desirable behavior, and help children understand how to regulate themselves" (Hawkins, 109). Kids need structure. From the time they are little, children thrive on schedules and knowing what is going to happen next. If parents set clear limits to what is and is not acceptable, it makes it easier for the kids to understand what is expected of them and it helps the parents and children communicate more effectively.
Parents have to remember that kids need boundaries, but they also have to remember to not make too many rules and make sure that they are all realistic.
"Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him" (Hawkins, 110). A loving parent sets limits because they want their children to make good choices, learn responsibility, and have happy childhoods.
Setting limits and having consequences when those limits are broken makes for a sure foundation in a home. I am a fan of natural consequences because the child can many times figure out what the punishment would be if they were to break the rule. In many ways it gives them the full knowledge of their choice and the consequences attached. Just as in adult life, we know that if you don't go to work you will get fired or if you touch a hot stove you will get burned and children can have that same knowledge even in small matters. For example, if they are mean to a sibling, they must do an act of service for that sibling, or if they are late for curfew then they have an earlier curfew until they regain the trust. Punishments or consequences are different for each family and parent have to judge what works for their family and that child. When a rule is broken, it has to be known that there will be a consequence and parents must be consistent and follow through with that consequence.
Parents have to remember that kids need boundaries, but they also have to remember to not make too many rules and make sure that they are all realistic.
"Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him" (Hawkins, 110). A loving parent sets limits because they want their children to make good choices, learn responsibility, and have happy childhoods.
Setting limits and having consequences when those limits are broken makes for a sure foundation in a home. I am a fan of natural consequences because the child can many times figure out what the punishment would be if they were to break the rule. In many ways it gives them the full knowledge of their choice and the consequences attached. Just as in adult life, we know that if you don't go to work you will get fired or if you touch a hot stove you will get burned and children can have that same knowledge even in small matters. For example, if they are mean to a sibling, they must do an act of service for that sibling, or if they are late for curfew then they have an earlier curfew until they regain the trust. Punishments or consequences are different for each family and parent have to judge what works for their family and that child. When a rule is broken, it has to be known that there will be a consequence and parents must be consistent and follow through with that consequence.
Latitude
With limits also come latitude. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them. Parents have to understand that their kids are not perfect and that they will have to be a little lenient sometimes and work with their kids on issues that are not black and white. Children need some latitude in life to prove to their parents that they can be responsible and make good choices on their own. Of course, if they do not make good choices then they there will be consequences and then the limits set in again.
Not only does latitude mean listening and talking to our children about mistakes, it also means that all kids are different and parenting has to be a little flexible. What is needed for one child may be the opposite thing needed for another. There is not a tell all book of how to parent, it comes to doing our best and balancing autonomy and regulation for each child.
Let's take the advice from Eleanor Roosevelt and help our kids become responsible on their own. We cannot lead from an authoritarian perspective, but we can lead as an authoritative leader who loves them and is leading them in words and in example.
Final Thought
We all wish we had all the right answers to parenting. The truth is, NOBODY has all the answers. Each parent is different and each child is different. We just have to keep moving forward and doing our best, but I do believe that when parenting incorporates love, limits, and latitude, our jobs as parents can be made a little bit easier.
With limits also come latitude. We all make mistakes and we all learn from them. Parents have to understand that their kids are not perfect and that they will have to be a little lenient sometimes and work with their kids on issues that are not black and white. Children need some latitude in life to prove to their parents that they can be responsible and make good choices on their own. Of course, if they do not make good choices then they there will be consequences and then the limits set in again.
Not only does latitude mean listening and talking to our children about mistakes, it also means that all kids are different and parenting has to be a little flexible. What is needed for one child may be the opposite thing needed for another. There is not a tell all book of how to parent, it comes to doing our best and balancing autonomy and regulation for each child.
Let's take the advice from Eleanor Roosevelt and help our kids become responsible on their own. We cannot lead from an authoritarian perspective, but we can lead as an authoritative leader who loves them and is leading them in words and in example.
Final Thought
We all wish we had all the right answers to parenting. The truth is, NOBODY has all the answers. Each parent is different and each child is different. We just have to keep moving forward and doing our best, but I do believe that when parenting incorporates love, limits, and latitude, our jobs as parents can be made a little bit easier.
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